Post-Election. #grief
Well here we are. Where do we go from here? Where is this?
I’ve been physically exhausted from the heavy heartbreak. Dread. Fatigue. Confusion. Disappointment. But maybe the biggest feeling I’ve had since the Mourning After is the danger I feel. I guess you’d call it an epiphany. Having breakfast the Mourning After - a few things occurred to me:
I am not safe.
None of us are.
America has always been a dangerous and evil country which has never fundamentally changed at all.
This all hit me like a ton of bricks. Now - I am GRATEFUL for the awareness, the epiphanies, but in a way holy hell did they have to all come in simultaneously? There was no single file line here. It was a blessing but oh my god the heaviness.
In my experience as a white male I can maybe think of less than 10 times, definitely less than 25, where I felt like I was in immediate, serious danger. Sure you get the vibe you’re in a sleazy bar and that moves the needle so you leave, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about pervasive and loud awareness that I am definitely not safe. And that’s how I felt at the breakfast table Wednesday morning. And if I’M not safe - in the most privileged classes of people in this country - then no one is.
So that led me to the realization that if I’m not safe now anymore, anywhere…then what I’m feeling is and has been the lived experience of every female in the country and the vast majority of everyone else for their entire lives. And what a wretched feeling that is. The disgust I have for the people in this country who have created and work tirelessly to maintain the danger those of us are in who dare to ease human suffering - is extraordinary and everlasting.
#grief
I think it’s easy to say the grief Americans are experiencing is palpable. On a collective level. Have you walked through a grocery store yet? The light has been dimmed. And how awful it is for marginalized people, Black and Brown women, specifically, to report on social media their experience going to the grocery store and being looked at by people who they know voted for Trump. They know they know.
The cruelty is mind boggling but also SO FUCKING SMALL. How indescribably small do you have to be to look at someone in the grocery store and covertly express that they celebrate that because Trump won the person they’re looking at is no higher than a dog, mule, or slave. There are many among us who are horrific.
And I want to bring up an important point that it is a shame these Trump voters are unaware of the damage they are doing to themselves by their political choices. Consider for a moment how narrow the lived experience is of a person who is so abusive and without empathy that they celebrate the destruction of people who do not look like them. Then take into account that every. single. life form. on the planet is diverse. How many different kinds of trees can you name? Types of grass? Bugs? Animals? Within every single species there is diversity. The homo sapien species is the only species on the planet that does not celebrate diversity and it’s differences. The Natural Order of Things, nature, is aware of and places high value on the balance within species diversity.
We are not as far along as we give ourselves credit for.
We are about to enter into a new era. Things will continue to change, and fast. Some things will have to necessarily fall away. I don’t know where I’m going with this other than to say being emotionally resilient is going to determine whether you thrive in the future, or not. My advice is to practice the art of unattachment if you haven’t already. Let it go. Many people will have to move. Or change jobs. Maybe terrible family members do not deserve your time and space anymore. The emotional attachments to things whose times have passed will only serve to keep your unnecessary suffering in place. Be like water. Be fluid.
This Presidential Election revealed and will continue to reveal many truths about who we are, where we are, how far we’ve come, and the limited options forward. How absurd there are so many weak among us who voted for a racist and rapist over an overqualified woman. Twice now.
We are not safe, no. None of us are. And Americans cannot make saboteurs and others in dense fog cooperate. It’s not Progressives who have been “divisive.” Anti-Americans have divided themselves. Cleaved themselves apart from us. Separate. Which is a symptom of their decision to uphold patriarchy, for one. Clinically I say here that the human brain forms, deforms, and functions differently for those who refuse to practice empathy and consideration. We cannot make them do the work that only they must do. Their personal freedom and happiness are on the other side of the discomfort of their obligations to heal what they have destroyed, not before.
So, the sad work begins of having to deal with this Election disappointment knowing we Americans must do the work to adjust our personal boundaries and commit effort and attention to maintain them. All because so many around us are dangerous, untrustworthy, and woman-hating.
Important to include here that me and all Progressives DO have compassion for our abusers as humans. We do not and will not condone their destructive behavior. We will continue to object to it. We will continue to resist and hold our abusers accountable as an act of love on our part. We root for our abusers as humans to be curious about how uncomfortable our rejection of their abuse makes them feel, not be reflexively defensive or resort to hostility. Ultimately we want our abusers to heal, but only they can choose that. Americans are under no obligation to tolerate abuse and cruelty.
Abuse is a conscious choice. But peace is also a choice.
Love and light to everyone in heavy grief and deep fog.